This Mom Coaches Better Than Most Managers. A coaching conversation a client shared that didn’t happen in an office but in a bagel shop.
“Keith, I wanted to share an interaction I experienced this morning that gave me a bit of an “ah-hah” moment after attending your program this past week.
I was online waiting to order a bagel. There’s usually a long line, and this morning was no exception.
While standing there, hungry, impatient and irritable, I had the feeling that someone was looking at me.
I looked down to see a little girl, maybe 5 or 6 years old, peering up at my face with a warm smile. I smiled back at her briefly & returned to checking my texts and emails.
A few minutes later, she turned to her mother and started talking, which pulled my attention into their conversation.
Here was the interaction between the daughter and her mother:
“Mommy, that lady is really pretty.”
Her mother replied, “Do you think you can tell me who you are talking about without pointing your finger?”
“She’s right behind us,” the daughter said.
After looking at me, smiling, asked her daughter, “What do you think would happen if you told her that you think she’s pretty?”
Pausing for a second, the daughter responded with, “I don’t know.”
“Well. How do you feel when someone says something nice to you?”
The daughter giggled and said, “Pretty good.”
“So, how do you think she would feel if you told her that?”
The daughter didn’t respond to her mother’s question, but instead, smiled at her and then turned to me.
Very politely and confidently the little girl said, “Excuse me. Hi. My name is Libby. I think you’re very pretty.”
A six-year old girl had just made my wait in line more enjoyable & my day a lot better. I thanked her and told her she just made me feel really good.
After my interaction with Libby and her mom, I thought about several ways a similar situation could have played out between myself and my team.
A well-intentioned parent could have responded to their child’s initial statement with, a directive. “You should tell the lady that you think she’s pretty. It will make her feel good.”
The child might have hesitantly and awkwardly stepped outside of his or her comfort zone & offered the compliment to the stranger because she was told to.
If Libby’s mom never took the time to uncover how she felt and expand her daughter’s perspective, Libby may not have said anything out of fear or discomfort.
This mother recognized an opportunity to increase Libby’s confidence, communication, and awareness, instead of just pushing her to do it.
The use of open-ended questions encouraged Libby to arrive at her own conclusion of what the next action should be.
When Libby acted, she was visibly confident in her decision, because the decision was hers.
What this mom did is exactly what great managers do. They ask the questions that turn hesitation into confidence and moments into growth.
Now, people act not because they’re told to, but because they believe in what they choose.
