The Foundation of Effective Coaching: A Reality Check for Managers

Engaging managers and salespeople in a coaching program starts with a simple but revealing task: pouring a foundation. I give managers a straightforward assignment: have a conversation where the coach can only ask open-ended questions. After 32 years, I’ve yet to meet a manager who could get through without slipping. This reveals a larger truth—when it comes to coaching, almost everyone is starting from the same level. Most managers have never been trained, which is where the journey begins.

Coaching is about more than just asking questions. It’s about resisting the urge to give answers or direct the conversation. Below are six common traps managers fall into when they begin coaching and the key mistakes to avoid.

1. Seek to Understand, Not to Respond.

Coaching is about intentional listening, understanding where the person is, where they want to be and WHO they are, not waiting for your turn to talk and push your agenda. By seeking to understand their point of view first, you create the space where the coachee feels heard and valued, which builds trust and opens the conversation.

2. Asking Closed-Ended Questions.

When learning to coach, most managers quickly realize how difficult asking open ended questions is because they’re so used to being the Chief Problem Solver and offering a quick solution. Open-ended questions invite critical thinking and exploration, but they also require patience and trust in the process to let the conversation naturally unfold. So, let the coachee do the work so they own the solution, not you.

3. Manipulation vs. Coaching.

Instead of fostering self-discovery, asking, “leading questions” becomes a form of manipulation, as you attempt to guide the coachee to your solution. If you’re asking yourself, “What questions can I ask to get this person to where I want them to be?” This is manipulation, not coaching. Let them create their path vs. having them follow yours.

4. Double-Dipping with Questions.

Did you ask a good question, then follow up with another question before getting a response? That’s “double-dipping.” Stick with one question at a time and give the coachee the space to respond. If you rush coaching, it will fail. Silence is a powerful coaching tool.

5. Coaching in Your Own Image.

Are you coaching them to a pre-determined solution based on your experiences and what worked for you? Let the coachee’s experiences and ideas shape the conversation and the outcome by honoring their individuality, not yours. (“When I was in your role…”)

6. Searching for the Perfect Question.

If you focus on crafting the “perfect” question, you’ll stop listening. By the time you ask it, the conversation may have already shifted, and your question becomes an irrelevant detriment to the conversation. Listen to what they’re saying first, then build the questions off of what they’re saying.

7. Coaching Is Never About the Coach.

Coaching is always about the coachee and their agenda. It requires being present, human, demonstrating authentic care, fostering deeper relationships, suspending your goals and any hidden agenda, and delivering unconditional value, allowing the coachee to find their own way.

Overcoming these common coaching traps enables you to focus on the primary objective of every company👉

Making your people more valuable so you can build a bench of future leaders. 🏆