First off, don’t call it feedback. People hate feedback.

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Let’s get right to it, leaders who want to develop a feedback culture is just stupid. I never saw that work, have you?

Have you ever been in a work environment where people are comfortable running around saying and hearing, “Can I give you some feedback?” I’m sure that’s well received and causes deeper engagement, trust and positive behavioral changes; especially when your team is remote. 😏

Second, it’s not that people don’t want to hear your thoughts that would help them. People just hate the word, Feedback.”

Why? Because every time it’s offered, the feedback is typically negative, or coming from a place of there’s a problem and you need to fix it, instead of coaching a win to reinforce positive behavior and engagement.

And people are certainly not fans of “constructive feedback.” What is that any way? An oxymoron. Two contradictory truths. Like a small crowd, an exact estimate, jumbo shrimp.

While people may resist your feedback, once you set your positive intent, they will be open to hearing your IDEAS, and things you may have NOTICED or OBSERVED.

Feedback = Creates fear and resistance to change and your ideas.

Sharing ideas and things you’ve noticed = Receptive, trust, facilitates positive change

Language is Everything

What do you think people will be more open to hearing?

* Can I give you feedback?

* Can I share some ideas that will help you become even more successful?

1. How do you think that (call/meeting) went?
2. What did you feel went well?
3. What, if anything, did you find difficult or challenging?
4. What, if anything, could you have done differently?
5. What, if anything, can you improve or change in order to achieve better results the next time?

Now It’s Time to Share

As for any conversation, first seek to understand their observations and points of view. Then fill in the gaps, or ideas, experiences and you see that can help support them further. This ensures you’re assessing the situation by asking the right questions, rather than making costly assumptions.  Here’s how to ensure they’re open to your ideas, opinions and what you’ve observed.

6. “Can I share some things I noticed that will help you achieve your goals and (better your best)?”

Final thoughts. it is important to deliver it in a respectful, empathetic, and timely manner. Choose the right time and place to give your feedback, preferably in private and as soon as possible. Finally, make sure that the coachee is aligned with the conversation and what you observed, and agrees on the next steps or actions to take that you both collaborated and agreed upon.